All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You made out with two different species that night
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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