just tell him i said nine months
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
