I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
