the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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