i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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