i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
