They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
