I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize