I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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