i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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