Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
