I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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