so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
