There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
