dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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