This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
