Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
