we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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