you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
