I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Do vagina's smell?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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