Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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