My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize