We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
