I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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