I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
