You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
