can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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