SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
