We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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