Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
