this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize