Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
