Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
