i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize