Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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