I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The power of my boobs compel you
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
