did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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