every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
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