I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
