11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Randomize
