Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
