You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
