It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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