I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
