As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
