I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
