I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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