super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
