I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Send help, water and tortillas.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
