It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
