I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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