Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
