Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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