I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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