I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
