But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
This toilet bowl is my home.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
