she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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