It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
