Umm I'm too high to move.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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