What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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