Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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