So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
