sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
