He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I need to stop coming to work sober
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
