I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize