my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Rumble strips road head = magical
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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