she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
